Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
