did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
