If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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