she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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