I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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