Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
