OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
