i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
