Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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