Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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