***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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