I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
