if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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