You smell like a Billy Joel song
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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