just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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