Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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