Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
