Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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