then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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