You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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