Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
