i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sext me about skeletons
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
