Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
