he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
