just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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