chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
