The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
