remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
