He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
