I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
