my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
