Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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