Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the day after is always just damage control
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
