hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
