when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
