my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
