whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
