dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
