God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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