after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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