What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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