just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
