you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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