is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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