foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
