Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
