just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How naked do you want me to be?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
