Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
