the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
