u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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