Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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