If that was your dad, he is hot
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
