Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
