i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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