If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize