Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
