or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
