I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
