Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
