I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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