I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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