if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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