I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
