So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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