i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
