you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
