I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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