I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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