Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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