she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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