she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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