That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
