I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
