My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
