I only kidnapped one of them. chill
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
