Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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