It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
