i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
