so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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