I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
