My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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