Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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