I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
