Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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