You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
