I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
