I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
don't judge my taste in strippers
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
